Crunch time!!

With a title like “Crunch Time”, you might be wondering if this is about deadlines or ab workouts.  Well, actually it’s about neither.  It’s about the time of year when I get to crunch acorns under my feet!

You see, I get a unique sense of enjoyment from stepping on acorn caps and hearing that particular crunch when they compress.  There’s also a satisfying sensation that goes with it when they crush under my foot.  I try not to crush too many acorn caps at the same time because sometimes there really can be too much of a good thing.  It’s much more pleasing to get one really good acorn cap than several at the same time.  I also prefer to use the balls of my feet rather than my heels – it just feels more satisfying.

I’m not denying that this probably sounds bizarre to most people but that’s ok with me.  I’ll enjoy crunching acorn caps on their behalf while they’re missing out.  This experience is similar to popping bubble-wrap.  I realize I may be in the minority on this too, but there really is gratification in squeezing and bursting individual bubbles in bubble-wrap!  Too many at the same time just seems like a waste of some really good pops.  One-by-one is really the way to go for me.

It seems that I’m drawn to sensory experiences.  Food is no exception.  I won’t go into great detail for this post, but food appeals to me on more levels than nutrition and taste.  It’s the experience that makes a difference.  If I’m not careful, I will eat waaaaaay too many groundnuts (peanuts for my American readers) not just for the flavor or protein but because they’re FUN to eat one by one (or a few at a time)!  I’ll go into more detail on food enjoyment another time, but right now please excuse me while I go outside to crunch some more acorns under my feet!

Plaits, shaves, & other hair adventures

I’ve been through a few hairstyles over the years.  During my younger years in Cameroon, I had my hair plaited from time to time.  If you’ve never experienced that process, that’s a test of endurance right there.  My Western hair was slippery compared to that of my African friends, but I’m pretty sure the pulling, twisting, and pain are all pretty much the same.  One thing that was different, though, was that it was impossible to find red plaiting thread to match my hair (not that I was concerned about such fashion details).

In my teen years, I experimented some more.  During my sophomore year, I let a 12^th grade Lebanese guy in our co-ed dorm cut my hair short.  In retrospect, one has to wonder who in their right mind would let a highschooler (and a male one at that) cut their hair.  But hey, he had skills and had practiced on other people (successfully) so I was ok with it.  Honestly, I credit him and that experience as a turning point in gaining self-confidence I didn’t know I was lacking and becoming more extroverted.  After borrowing jeans from a roommate and a shirt from a popular guy in the same dorm, I was the recipient of many compliments the next day at school.  I was surprised that people actually knew my name.  (How could they not considering how small our school was??  Who knows why I thought I was invisible until then, but it was a big deal to get that attention!)

About a year after that, I was even bolder and decided to shave part of my head.  Not an undershave, where the nape of the neck is shaved but can be covered if the hair is let down.  Nah, I went for my own style.  It was shaved on one side of my head and angled back across the nape of my neck to the corner on the other side.  (I guess it wasn’t enough to stand out as a white kid in Cameroon and Nigeria.)  I was at boarding school when I had it done, but my mom managed to fake a calm response when she finally saw it.  And she even helped with the frequent upkeep while on school break!  What a great mom!

Now, years later, my hair is long with the intent of having “options”.  Options to put it up, or have it down, or do lots of styles.  Sadly, the extent of my know-how remains with only pony-tails, buns (with or without hairsticks), standard braids, and straightening it.  My few attempts at curling, up-dos, and whatever else one is supposed to be able to do with long hair have been confusing, frustrating, and time consuming.

So a friend tasked me with attempting something this week.  I needed this assignment to make another effort.  I decided to go with something “easy” like curling.  I can’t say it was a success exactly.  Over an hour passed of trying to roll up sections of hair without burning my neck and leaving conspicuous marks.  As I let down each section it seemed like I could only get the bottom third (MAYBE half) curled.  I guess I couldn’t get enough heat to the parts rolled around on top.

Then the dilemma whether it was ok to leave it like that and go out in public or would it be clear to others that it was a botched job??  I went out (for a Thanksgiving get-together at that) and pretended it was exactly the way I wanted.  No one said anything.  And I’m not sure if I’m grateful, haha.  Were they were just sparing me what they thought might be embarrassment, or was it a look that actually seemed “normal”??  I have no idea but I think my next experiment will be an up-do instead…

Singleness

As the holidays approach, I hear more singles bemoan their singleness.  And while I don’t mean to downplay how lonely and difficult it can be for some, it seems to me there is a lot of “grass is greener” mentality.  There are times I don’t enjoy being single either but marriage isn’t always as rosy as it might look from the single-side.

There are plenty of things to appreciate about being single, during the holidays or not.  Here are just a few examples (in no particular order):

·         You don’t need to work your plans around a significant other.  If you feel like doing something at the last minute, that’s up to you.  If you change your mind on something, you don’t need to worry about how/if it affects a significant other.  You can avoid the whole discussion and negotiation of arranging and rearranging plans.  Even better, if you don’t have a significant other, he/she can’t get upset by the changes you propose.

·         One less person to get gifts for.   Whether it’s a matter of expense or just trying to figure out what someone would like, no significant other = one less person to worry about.

·         They say never to go to bed angry at your significant other.  Holidays can be stressful and tempers flare so this one can be rough for some married folks.  But when you’re single (holidays or not), this is an easy one to check off.  I suppose you might be mad at someone else, but not a significant other!

·         You can set the temperature however you like.  You don’t have to worry about a significant other complaining that it’s too hot or too cold.  And no one is stealing the covers or hogging your space in bed.  It’s all you, man.

·         You can make your own food choices without factoring in a spouse’s likes/dislikes/allergies.  If you decide to dine on an assortment of odds and ends from the cupboards or refrigerator because you don’t feel like preparing a real meal, feel free (though you might need to answer to your personal trainer or nutrition coach if you have one).  If you happen to be vegetarian, you don’t have to think about accommodating a non-existent carnivorous spouse.  If you feel like having a protein shake and calling it a meal, you don’t need to see if that works for a spouse you don’t have.  In fact, if you feel like eating at 2pm instead of noon on Saturday, oh the freedom in making that call!

·         You are free from spousal suffocation.  By this I mean that if there’s no spouse = he/she can’t be in your space all the time.  No one wanting affection or attention when you really don’t feel it.  No one talking when you just want silence.  No one crowding your space – physically, mentally, or emotionally.

OK, I admit that some of these are kinda silly and self-centered.  But the married side has plenty challenges of its own, including little things that can drive you crazy over time.  I’m not discounting that singleness can be hard too.  But if you’re single, appreciate the freedoms and independence you do have!  Start your own list of pros if you need to.  Just stop thinking the other side always has it better.

Up close and personal in Krav

I’m not sure that there are many moments when you become more aware of your body and someone else’s than when you’re practicing mount defenses in a Krav Maga class.  Still being new to this stuff, there’s a certain level of awkwardness in being in compromising positions (purposefully) with people I don't really know.  A hug is a hug but you usually release within an understood “polite” timeframe, unless you’re particularly close.  Believe me, we’re not hugging in Krav Maga.

Sometimes I'm not the only woman in class.  The other night there was one other woman.  She and I were paired together although she usually partners up with her husband who also takes the class.  Now you might think female-to-female ought to feel relatively “appropriate” if you have to be in close physical contact with an unfamiliar person.

Not.

OK, it wasn’t too bad once we got going but we both ended up laughing a lot.  She has been in these classes for a while so she helped walk me through some of the bumps, flips, holds, escapes, etc.  But she was more accustomed to working with her husband so I think it seemed a little strange for her too.  You can try to not care who you’re partnered with, but you can’t help being especially aware of where your hands and arms and everything else make contact.  Simply the closeness of another body for an extended period of time can be awkward at first.

After we practiced certain drills for a while, a few partners changed up.  The woman got her husband back, and I worked with someone I partnered with in a previous class.  His weight and strength made the situation seem much more realistic.  I don’t mean in an alarming way, but that a male attacker would feel much more like this than a somewhat tentative female.  I found it easier to respond and to practice the escapes and counter-moves when I could put myself in a realistic mindframe.  I also found that I was less concerned about whether I would hurt my partner when it was a guy.  Not that I was out to hurt him, but I found myself being less concerned about "politeness".  I felt more comfortable trying out the tactics with a male partner and using force as necessary.

Changing up the partner also seems to be valuable.  The woman I partnered with for a while commented to me that some of the moves didn't work as well on me as they did when she worked with her husband in previous classes.  In this case, since I was not as tall as her husband, everything didn't work the same.  It was a good reminder that an attacker could come in all shapes and sizes, and practicing with just one person can influence your expectations on your abilities.  What you might face in real-life might not match what you encountered with one person in class.  So you need to keep practicing and your partners need to vary.

Wow, there is still so much to learn and practice!  And I want every bit I can get because you just never know if/when you’ll need it.

Room of my dreams

Ever had a dream you wish you could repeat (or make come true)?  I had one last night that had me grinning when I woke up.

I dreamt that I moved into a gigantic house that was intended to be shared with other people.  I suppose it was community living as far as sharing some spaces but there were many wings and halls that afforded much privacy and independence as well.  I think there were several octagon-shaped sections that connected in such a way that provided multiple “living rooms” and one large, central courtyard.

Friends from different circles (including whole families) had different sections of the building.  No one felt like they were living on top of anyone else, but the multiple common areas allowed for many opportunities to connect, socialize, or whatever with others.  The picture I found to include is fairly close to what I imagined for each octagon section, but only represents one level whereas there were two or three levels for each octagon in my dream.  There was also a balcony area that overlooked the open “living room” section, and bedroom doors opened to hallways rather than the center of the octagon.

Even with all the rooms and separate areas, we were one short and one person would have to go without.  This worked in my favor because I previously spotted an alcove section near one of the large gathering areas and I really wanted to claim that spot for myself.  It was recessed enough to have some privacy but easily accessible to anything going on in that huge space.  For reference, it would be on the other side of the kitchen wall – a tall, loft-like alcove with shelves for books, storage, or display.  A wide staircase was almost directly across the room, just like in the drawing.

Imagine my delight when I observed a boxing ring getting set up in that huge "living room" space!  I couldn’t believe it!  I had visibility of a boxing ring right from my alcove-bed.  Even a kid couldn’t dream up a cooler “bedroom”.

Even better was that some of the people sharing this house were from my gym so if any of them showed up and wanted to practice some pad workouts or sparring, I could watch or even get in on some practice of my own.  Way cool!

I got the impression that this house was for a retreat of some sort, not necessarily permanent living.  But putting in a boxing ring must have been a significant arrangement and expense so I suspect that it was more than a weeklong retreat.  Whatever the purpose, if I could find a place like this (and could talk people into joining me), I’d be ready to start packing right now!  Oh, I was a very happy girl in this dream!

If at first you don't succeed, what's Plan B?

Practicing with men on some of the Krav Maga defensive moves, strikes, turns, and escapes has given me an appreciation for what a real-life situation could feel like, minus the fear and actual danger.  While most men are going easy on me in the drills since I’m new, the ones who have given me a more realistic experience have reinforced WHY I want to keep coming back to learn and practice more.  When men are practicing with men, I think they have a certain level of strength and even height that helps them execute the drills successfully without modification.

For example, a week or two ago we were practicing a drill on when someone comes up behind and grabs you like a bear hug.  Neither dropping by body nor raising my hands quickly to fling off my partner’s arms worked.  He was tall and strong and his hold on me kept my arms pinned down.  He could have fairly easily dragged me off if it had been a real attack.  I needed to feel that since he didn’t just let go like some of the other men had done in practice scenarios.  An attacker won't just let go because I attempted some resistance!

My partner reminded me to fling my arms and I attempted to do so but I couldn’t loosen his arms.  We tried several times and it occurred to me that real life could present some scenarios when things we practice in class don’t work quite as planned and I always need to have a Plan B.  (It doesn't mean that Krav Maga is insufficient, but that I could encounter situations I haven't yet covered or practiced enough in class.)  That’s when I remembered the foot stomp and strike to the groin that we learned in the self defense class.  I didn’t actually hurt my partner (of course) but in real life I won’t be able to tell an attacker, “Now wait; let me try that again.  Hmmm, that’s not working so let me try again.  That didn't work again so now what??”  I wouldn’t have that kind of time to come up with another option.  In this case with my arms firmly pinned down to my side,  would still have access to feet and groin – and I need to be able to recognize that instantly.

And that’s exactly why I need to keep going to these classes.  I need to practice, practice, practice!  I need to experience a variety of different scenarios.  In an attack, I won't have time to think about what we did in class.  In fact, my brain might turn to mush with the rush of adrenaline/fear.  I can’t rely on being able to think things through in the moment.  It needs to come quickly and naturally and I need to be ready to improvise as needed.  Without practice and exposure, who knows what (if anything) I would actually do in an emergency.  I don't want to wait to find out.

Krav Maga

A few weeks ago, my trainer and another instructor at my gym provided a self defense class at my company.  Besides being fun, it was very informative and a great eye-opener for me.  It gave me some awareness that if someone tried to attack me or my son, I wouldn’t have known what to do and I probably would have made for a great victim.  You can’t rely on being able to think things through quickly because your senses get distorted, and you’d better not rely on being stronger than the attacker (he wouldn’t attack if he thought you could take him, right?).

The class opened my eyes to more vulnerabilities and more ways someone could attack than I expected.  Some of the things we practiced in the class would never have crossed my mind even in a pretend attack that would allow me time to think of a strategic response.  Without continued practice, I might not even do those things in the event of a real attack.  That’s a scary thought.  Not paralyzing, but an interesting revelation.

So I decided to try some of the Krav Maga classes at my gym (in addition to my normal workouts and personal training).  Krav Maga is an Israeli self-defense system, used by the Israeli Defense Forces, that also relates extremely well to real-world situations.  Rather than simply defending yourself and trying to avoid/minimize personal harm, you also learn about counter-attacks – whatever you have to do to neutralize the threat, including offensive tactics.

I assumed these classes would mostly consist of women, considering my expectation that women are more likely to be targets than men.  But the first class I attended, it was all men.  In fact I’ve been the only woman in several classes, and even when I wasn’t the only women there were always more men.  It certainly doesn’t bother me to be the only woman, and I can understand a lack of awareness or hesitancy from other women, but I didn’t get why men were taking the class.  It’s not like they’re small men who might be afraid of getting picked on.  If I was an attacker, these men certainly wouldn’t be my first targets.  So what was driving them to take Krav Maga?

I decided to ask a few men why the classes were dominated by men rather than women.  They started responding by saying not to feel bad and that sometimes there were women there too.  I realized that was the wrong question because I don’t feel bad and that wasn’t the point of my question.  So I asked why THEY personally were there.  Did they think they could/would be a target?  I loved their responses which ultimately came down to wanting to be able to protect family and community if the need ever arose.  Though it might be unlikely to be a personal target (at least to the extent or for the same reasons as a woman), how many times do we hear about a shooting at a restaurant, movie theatre, school, or other public place?

This point came particularly close to home for me (literally) this week.  There was a shooting at a nearby grocery store which I happened to be at only an hour earlier.  These classes address more than hand-to-hand combat, and also include situations where the attacker pulls a gun or knife.  What would I have done if I had been at that store near the attacker?  What if I was there with my son??  I’m not saying this makes me fearful, but I do want to be better equipped to handle things this like this.  It happened to someone; it could just as easily happen to me.

Tempted but not defeated

Temptations, whether you overcome them or not, have a way of reminding you of your vulnerabilities.  That you’re not invincible.  And even that the things you don’t expect to be a temptation can actually surprise you in the moment.

The End.

Well, no, not really.  These thoughts came from somewhere, right?  OK, here’s what prompted this post.

The other evening, I pulled into a parking spot and started to open my car door.  A sudden gust of wind (yes, I’m blaming the weather) pulled my door faster and farther than I planned and BAM! made firm contact with the car door in the next spot. The red mark from my car door was pretty obvious on their white vehicle.

I am ashamed that my first thought was to leave.  I actually looked around to see if anyone noticed but I didn’t see anyone.  I considered moving to another spot or even just going home.  I even went as far as starting my car and shifting into reverse.

But my conscience wouldn’t let me actually leave.  I fought with myself over it.  I didn’t want to face the driver and wanted to just escape!  But how could I do that??  So instead I slowly pulled out a piece of paper and started to write a note to put under the windshield wipers.  But what to say??  Could I get away with writing an apology and “forgetting” to include info on how to contact me??  Very tempting, I admit.  But no, that wouldn’t be ok.

I finally finished my note and got out to put it under the windshield wiper.  Wouldn’t you know that’s exactly when the driver showed up.  I had to face her directly.  I showed her the mark and explained what happened and that I was just about to leave a note.  She looked closely and found that the red mark could be wiped off easily.  I was pretty sure I had seen a dent earlier but it wasn’t there when she rubbed the mark!

“No problem!  My husband can take care of this,” she said cheerfully.

“Are you sure???” I asked, hardly daring to believe that everything was ok afterall.  I told her that I had been tempted to just leave and that I almost did.  She said she was glad that I didn’t but that the door was fine and not to worry about it.

I didn’t go into the store.  I was still too ashamed and embarrassed that I actually struggled with this temptation.  This was one of those situations that I never thought would be a challenge if I actually faced it.

I don’t share this to take any credit for doing the right thing.  In my own strength and will, I realized I would have failed.  I don’t presume that this victory proves I will certainly overcome the next temptation that comes along.  My point in sharing this is to humbly acknowledge that I still have many lessons to learn, many more battles to face.  This experience is a reminder to myself (and anyone else) that even the things we think can’t really tempt us might surprise us in the moment.  People succumb to temptations all the time and then wonder how it happened.  Are we sometimes overconfident in our own abilities and willpower??  I know I encountered a lesson here…