Getting elevated

This morning at the gym a few people wore elevation training masks for a greater challenge.  Apparently these masks help the user build endurance, enhance lung capacity, and improve overall performance.  You can adjust various settings in order to simulate being anywhere from 3,000-18,000 feet above sea level.

What’s funny is that they look like gas masks.  It’s just an odd thing to see!!  But I got a kick out of it and if fitness freaks at my gym are using them, I want in too!! 

I’m not saying I could function well (or at all) with one during a workout yet, but I could wear one around the house to begin getting acclimated.  I can just imagine someone ringing my doorbell and then the look on their face when I answer with the mask on!

Better yet, what if I wear it at work while at my desk??  Or driving in my car??  Oh the looks I would get!  [You should see the huge grin on my face as I seriously consider doing this….]

Hmmm….  Why yes, I do believe I should order my mask today…. 

Going in reverse

The other night I had two short dreams that have stayed in my mind.  Not so much for their content but what they made me think of in my waking hours.  I’ll share one for now and I might post the other another time.

In one dream, I was trying to start my car in my driveway and it didn’t want to start.  Somehow it started rolling backwards and I couldn’t make it stop.  The brakes didn’t work and either I didn’t have an emergency brake or that didn’t work either.  My car wasn’t going fast but I didn’t have any control besides maneuvering in reverse around parked cars on the street.  I prayed that nothing bad would happen to anyone else or their property.  Some people saw me going backwards but couldn’t really do anything about it.  What would they do??  Run out and use their He-Man strength to stop a rolling car going backwards downhill??

Finally my car came to a stop at the bottom of the hill.  I was thankful not to be moving anymore and that no one was injured.  But then came the frustration of needing to think through where I would have the car towed, the time and money that would cost, and the fact that this disruption was not very timely since I had planned to go somewhere.

My waking thoughts on this dream segment focused on how sometimes life seems feels like it’s going backwards.  I might be in the driver’s seat and facing forward but that doesn’t mean I’m actually in control or even moving in the direction I think I should be headed.  I can hope and pray that I won’t destroy anyone or anything while I’m headed in the wrong direction.  And sometimes they can’t help me even if they want to.  Once I do come to a stopping or turning point, the relief sometimes feels short-lived because there’s still the struggle of actually getting back on track.  How many times do I try to find the most convenient, easiest mechanic instead of turning to THE MECHANIC for help?

Was I at fault for going backwards?  I don’t know.  Could I have done anything else before getting to the bottom of the hill?  I don’t know.  Maybe these questions aren’t the point.  Maybe the real question is where do I turn for help.  And when??  Am I waiting to get to the bottom of the hill before calling on THE MECHANIC?  I need regular maintenance, not just emergency repairs.  Of course that doesn’t mean everything will be a smooth ride, but my MECHANIC knows and understands what I need better than I do.

Things to think about...

Into the frying pan

The other day I was feeling a bit creative before making dinner.  So I drew some alarmed faces on some eggs, put them near a frying pan, and took a picture.  I’m no artist but I like how the expressions turned out.  I’d be afraid of the frying pan too!

24 hours

What a difference 24 hours can make.  Yesterday was rough.  I don’t think it had to do with what I posted yesterday… or really about any one thing in particular.  It was just a down day and I couldn’t wait for it to be over.

Today, however, has been fantastic and it isn’t even noon yet!  My 15-year old and I were up early to join a team from the gym for a fundraiser event.  30 floors of stairs (600+ steps) for MS awareness.  It was awesome!

I wasn’t trying to race or beat anyone so I didn’t mind that my son ran past me after the first or second floor.  Having never done anything like this I didn’t know how much to pace myself.  I ended up finishing somewhere between 8-9 minutes and I’m ok with that.  The greatest impact (for me) was dry lung, not my legs.  I definitely want to do that again!

Afterward six of us enjoyed breakfast together.  Food and fun people make an awesome combination.  :-)  We were picking on each other, cracking up, enjoying the food, and definitely enjoying each other’s company.

BUT… the day and fun aren’t over!!  Tonight my son and I are going to a boxing fight to support one of the trainers at our gym.  I can’t wait!!  Camera battery has been charged and memory cleared (the camera's not mine).  All set and ready to go!!  Just gotta wait the rest of the day….

HAPPY SATURDAY!!!

Remembering my first son...

19 years ago today I gave birth to my first son, Sean Michael.  He was gone before I even gave birth so I had a short time (a weekend) to process things before having induced labor.  Some people wonder how you can grieve the loss of a child you never actually “made memories” with, as though breath is required for him to “count”.  Well it doesn’t mean he didn’t exist.  It’s still a part of your life, still something you think about from time to time.  I don’t always think about him on his “birth” day but perhaps he comes to mind since I visited his grave site when I recently visited family in another state where I used to live.

“Grief” probably isn’t the right word for my reflections.  It was certainly what I felt when the ultrasound revealed that his heart wasn’t beating.  I wasn’t expecting that at all.  I just figured the kid inside me was as stubborn as me and wouldn’t let the doctors hear the heartbeat during a regular exam.  Silly boy.  Although my doctor was somber when he sent me for an immediate ultrasound, I just knew that everything was fine and we’d all laugh about it later.  Having already had an ultrasound earlier in the pregnancy, I had seen and heard the heartbeat before and expected to say, “Ha!  You couldn’t hide this time!!”  But the silence and lack of movement brought sudden grief.  My husband at the time held it together while we were there with the doctors but he lost it as soon as he saw his dad later that afternoon.

I remember the subsequent delivery, I remember the conversations about choosing a grave stone and inscription, I remember the funeral.  Funny how those things didn’t seem like such a big deal in the moment.  Maybe it just seemed surreal.  Maybe it was my defense mechanism to be tough and unemotional.  I don’t know but I do remember that it was difficult to see and be around other people with babies for a while.  I suppose one becomes hypersensitive, overly aware of people pushing babies in strollers, dealing with fussy infants at restaurants and grocery stores.  Everywhere you go, someone seems to have a baby and the world goes on like normal but it doesn’t feel so normal to you.

But it has been a long time since my reflections felt like grief.  Even right now as I share this, it’s not grief that I feel.  Just thoughts and memories of a chapter in my life.  Sean Michael was spared a difficult (and probably short) life due to his condition.  So I can honestly be thankful that God called him home before he even took a breath.  And seriously, can you see me being the mother of a 19-year old??  I’m not ready for that yet.  I’m enjoying having a 15-year old instead.  That’s enough for me right now.  :-)